Sunday, January 13, 2008


Howdy and happy Sunday to all as this lone ranger hops down from the saddle, kicks off his boots and settles down to shoot the breeze with the folks down at the bonanza.

This week was warm, cold, wet, dry, windy and stale. Sounds pretty typical to me. The weather, like Ohio, is unpredictable and usually a let down. I also think it is funny how the holiday season comes to a screeching halt, and is all but totally forgotten. I have already seen the Valentines crap stocking the shelves. Another tame week here in Lorain County. I almost called it LoCo, which is so appropriate, because loco means crazy.

There were some readers having a hissy fit that TMC did not do breaking news expose about the new courthouse, yawn. Let us examine that one together, if you were so excited about the courthouse maybe you should write a piece about it. Then submit an essay about how lame you are and why. It is a courthouse, not a UFO sighting. Now go back to your hole and wait for the next fascinating structure to be erected.

The story about the stupid lady smuggling illegal contraband into the slammer was pretty amusing. She probably would have gotten away with it but apparently she was misinformed. If you are going to use balloons to sneak around your hashish, you are not supposed to inflate them too. So needless to say, she looked pretty suspicious walking into the facility with a bunch of balloons shoved down her drawers. Kind of like the fruit of the loom grape guy. I do not even want to know where the nickel roll was, but I probably already know. But, I say, cut her some slack. She did not try the file in the cake, or the saw blade in the bread. The recipient of the doobies would have been high, but not a free bird. No harm done. Her crime is a crime of stupidity, punishable by flogging with a wet noodle.

Most people would not want to watch TV with me for an extended amount of time due to the fact I am a skeptic and am not easily swayed or entertained by typical advertisements. My wife, luckily, is immune to it. But recently even she agreed with me and my annoyance over a current campaign by some minivan commercial. The theme was about bringing the family together. It started by showing everyone in their own separate rooms doing their own thing. Then they all hop in the new van for a family ride. Sounds all right, right? But when they show everyone in the van, they are all still doing something that requires no intercommunication. The mom was driving, the dad was listening to some technological thing embedded in the dashboard, the daughter had her Ipod on and the son was playing a video game that was hard wired into the back of the passenger side headrest. So I guess I do not get the point. If you are all ignoring each other, why not do it in the safety of your home? What a great idea, lets take the only place that a family is still forced into being within close proximity of each other, spread them out, and equip them with everything they could possibly need to tune everyone out. It was the dumbest attempt to put a false ideology on something as arbitrary as a freaking van. I am not being over analytical, but do not tell me that they honestly thought about that idea and it never crossed a single overpaid mind in that marketing firm about how misdirected it was.

Anyway, just another rant, but hey, I am branching out. I could have been blasting old peoples driving skills or how dirty our city looks or how scary Lorain is, which is true, but for today, irrelevant. Well, the cold air will get colder and the snow will come again. People will have their gas cut off because they cannot afford it. But me, in the words of Foghorn Leghorn, after his feathers had been shot off... “Woman, I do not need your love to keep me warm, I’ve got my bandages.” And that is the truth.

Be good.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Jason, good post. Talk about a hissy fit, if your city looks dirty, MOVE!


10:17 AM  
Anonymous Superior Cage Fighting said...

"Then submit an essay about how lame you are and why. It is a courthouse, not a UFO sighting. Now go back to your hole and wait for the next fascinating structure to be erected"



11:32 AM  
Anonymous karl said...

Hey, give us a break. Watching the courthouse get built is Elyria's version of "hillbilly cinema." Can't beat free entertainment and it's live!
As to commercials, if you're looking for stupid just check out a certain donut outfit's "early fishing" ad. The dialogue's a little hard to follow (a whopping 2 words) and the guy at the end is obviously a product of selective breeding (only mate with your own family members).

2:41 PM  

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