SUNDAYS WITH JASON
So the countdown to Christmas begins and if you’re like me, you’ve got nothing to show for it. Believe it or not I do 3 hours of marathon shopping on Christmas Eve and then I’m done. It’s exciting, fast paced, less expensive and most importantly…gives me a lot of material to write about!
I hope this finds every one of you in good health. Especially as the flu season gets underway. Even now I’m typing in latex gloves with a dust mask on.
Come with me Lorain County; let’s get right to it.
So in a quick statement I will say that last weeks post got some odd comments and this is all I will say. If anyone thinks that I dish out something I can’t take: Try it on me! I do read your comments, because you have the right to your opinions too. It’s kinda like; “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” (Sexy!) If I have the right to put my opinion out there, so do you. Moreover, no one will ever be able to hurt my feelings or make me sad, this isn’t high school and I am not the pimply-faced wallflower at the dance with no one to hold me. I don’t expect, nor want, everyone to like me. That being said, to my fellow cynical, satirical, sarcastic, pessimists: thanks for standing by your man. As they say in the hood: I-gotch-yo-back cuz, fo real! (See Ebonics dictionary)
So our first story comes from Amherst, HELLO Amherst, can you hear me? Turn up your hearing aides. A poor old lady crashes through the E-check station. Obviously nobody told her that the testing was free! She was probably gunning it for the building, mad at the state for taking her money. Kinda like that other old lady in Avon Lake a couple weeks ago, who tried to take out Fratello’s for their refill policy. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from dealing with the “elderly” on a day-to-day basis, it’s that you don’t mess with their money and you always accept their coupons (no matter what the expiration date says). So I say give her a break, after all; she dented her head too and for all she knows, she’s still driving her Model A Ford that she bought for $380 in 1927.
Again, to all the people looking for “nice” stories and all that mushy stuff: did you read the story HELPING DRIVE HOME A MESSAGE? Vaughn’s Towing has been a real beacon in Lorain County for a long time. But did anyone post a comment thanking them for their advocacy against drunk driving? NO. So we give you people these, “Disney” stories you’re looking for, and you spit on them, SHAME ON YOU!! I don’t really care, but whatever.
Now, if you happen to see me around the community, carrying a big net and a mallet; don’t be afraid. I am on the hunt. For what you ask? Fire Gnomes! Jason…what is a fire gnome? Well, thanks for asking. I am not sure, but I think they are to blame for the recent slew of warehouse and home fires. These fires just happen, nobody knows how and nobody knows why.
But my clever investigating has brought me one clue; here is a foot print I found on the scene
If that doesn’t prove my point, nothing will. Well, I am on this case, so be on the lookout!
My HIGHLIGHT OF THE LOWLIGHTS has to be the story GIMME MY JOB BACK. Now we’ve all had that job where we wished we could just bust in the door one morning and toss a grenade at the receptionist. (Well maybe not all of us have) But you know the feeling. Nobody was hurt in this story but, let’s put it in perspective. You’ve already been fired; why not hold on to a thread of dignity and just move on to better things? How much can lower can you sink? You don’t have a job, now you’re in jail. Maybe he figured, “hey, I’m unemployed, maybe I’ll take a vacation. Nah, how about going to jail for a little while, work on my street cred, accumulate some points on my ‘wrap sheet,’ bunk with a guy named Bubba and learn how to make weapons out of housekeeping products.” I just don’t get why you’d want to give your former employer the benefit of seeing your mug shot and the story to tell all the new-hires in orientation. But that’s just me.
No “star” worthy stories this week so tune in next time to see if one pops up, you never know!
Finally, there’s a rogue angel in the heavens today; popping wheelies, peeling out on the golden streets and building a ramp to jump the pearly gates. I remember one of the many times I channeled my inner “Evel” as I jumped off my house into the backyard swimming pool. Of course it would have been more exhilarating if my mom hadn’t “tanned” my hide for it. So rest in pieces Evel Knievel! Ride on.
That’s all people, nothing left to see here, keep the traffic moving. I’ll catch you all on the flip side.
Take care (or else!)
Jason
I hope this finds every one of you in good health. Especially as the flu season gets underway. Even now I’m typing in latex gloves with a dust mask on.
Come with me Lorain County; let’s get right to it.
So in a quick statement I will say that last weeks post got some odd comments and this is all I will say. If anyone thinks that I dish out something I can’t take: Try it on me! I do read your comments, because you have the right to your opinions too. It’s kinda like; “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” (Sexy!) If I have the right to put my opinion out there, so do you. Moreover, no one will ever be able to hurt my feelings or make me sad, this isn’t high school and I am not the pimply-faced wallflower at the dance with no one to hold me. I don’t expect, nor want, everyone to like me. That being said, to my fellow cynical, satirical, sarcastic, pessimists: thanks for standing by your man. As they say in the hood: I-gotch-yo-back cuz, fo real! (See Ebonics dictionary)
So our first story comes from Amherst, HELLO Amherst, can you hear me? Turn up your hearing aides. A poor old lady crashes through the E-check station. Obviously nobody told her that the testing was free! She was probably gunning it for the building, mad at the state for taking her money. Kinda like that other old lady in Avon Lake a couple weeks ago, who tried to take out Fratello’s for their refill policy. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from dealing with the “elderly” on a day-to-day basis, it’s that you don’t mess with their money and you always accept their coupons (no matter what the expiration date says). So I say give her a break, after all; she dented her head too and for all she knows, she’s still driving her Model A Ford that she bought for $380 in 1927.
Again, to all the people looking for “nice” stories and all that mushy stuff: did you read the story HELPING DRIVE HOME A MESSAGE? Vaughn’s Towing has been a real beacon in Lorain County for a long time. But did anyone post a comment thanking them for their advocacy against drunk driving? NO. So we give you people these, “Disney” stories you’re looking for, and you spit on them, SHAME ON YOU!! I don’t really care, but whatever.
Now, if you happen to see me around the community, carrying a big net and a mallet; don’t be afraid. I am on the hunt. For what you ask? Fire Gnomes! Jason…what is a fire gnome? Well, thanks for asking. I am not sure, but I think they are to blame for the recent slew of warehouse and home fires. These fires just happen, nobody knows how and nobody knows why. But my clever investigating has brought me one clue; here is a foot print I found on the scene
If that doesn’t prove my point, nothing will. Well, I am on this case, so be on the lookout!
My HIGHLIGHT OF THE LOWLIGHTS has to be the story GIMME MY JOB BACK. Now we’ve all had that job where we wished we could just bust in the door one morning and toss a grenade at the receptionist. (Well maybe not all of us have) But you know the feeling. Nobody was hurt in this story but, let’s put it in perspective. You’ve already been fired; why not hold on to a thread of dignity and just move on to better things? How much can lower can you sink? You don’t have a job, now you’re in jail. Maybe he figured, “hey, I’m unemployed, maybe I’ll take a vacation. Nah, how about going to jail for a little while, work on my street cred, accumulate some points on my ‘wrap sheet,’ bunk with a guy named Bubba and learn how to make weapons out of housekeeping products.” I just don’t get why you’d want to give your former employer the benefit of seeing your mug shot and the story to tell all the new-hires in orientation. But that’s just me.
No “star” worthy stories this week so tune in next time to see if one pops up, you never know!
Finally, there’s a rogue angel in the heavens today; popping wheelies, peeling out on the golden streets and building a ramp to jump the pearly gates. I remember one of the many times I channeled my inner “Evel” as I jumped off my house into the backyard swimming pool. Of course it would have been more exhilarating if my mom hadn’t “tanned” my hide for it. So rest in pieces Evel Knievel! Ride on.
That’s all people, nothing left to see here, keep the traffic moving. I’ll catch you all on the flip side.
Take care (or else!)
Jason
posted by TMC NEWS at 2:24 AM
7 Comments:
Cracking up! Another good one Jason....This time I had my coffee brewing while I read your article! Save me from choking to death at your expense :)
Your fellow cynist...
Katie
Keep 'em coming man. I love reading your articles. You give a fresh and fun outlook on the events in Lorain County. Don't change a thing. If people want to complain, I think you should include a special line in your articles calling them out. That would make it an even more interesting read. What fools people are taking your articles word for word. Keep up the good work!!
Damn... you are unpleasant little bitch aren't you????
Mom didn't hug you enough, you eat too many paint chips, get your heart broken at an early age?
What's your problem?
It's one thing to bring cynical perspective and satire, it's another thing to just ramble on and tear things apart. You are a one note band, it gets old hearing the same crap week after week. It's a good thing we don't pay for this or I would be asking for my money back.
"Believe it or not I do 3 hours of marathon shopping"
Gosh Jason, I hope your loved ones care enough to spend 8 minutes on your gift purchase.
"Vaughn’s Towing has been a real beacon in Lorain County"
Are you their PR agent or just stupid? Nobody commented on the story because it didn't really matter. People don't come here for mushy, unless it's somebody's skull.
"Fire Gnomes! Jason…what is a fire gnome?" Well, at least it's not cynical, I guess we would just call it dumb. You are concerned that the nice stories don't get comments, yet you think it's funny that peoples lives, and jobs are destroyed at Christmas. Very touching cynical humor guy.
to carl:
YOU SHOULD READ THIS( PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE LAST SENTENCE):
TMC NEWS COMMENT POLICY
TMC NEWS believes in freedom of speech and encourages all of our readers to speak out on stories you read here on our site. Unfortunately some people have abused that right and in most of those cases hidden behind fake names or just leaving comments under anonymous. Therefore, effective immediately: the editors of TMCNEWS.NET will moderate ALL comments. Slanderous, comments will not make it through. Anonymous comments stand a pretty good chance of not making it through either, so keep that in mind when you are writing your remarks.
I hope you all continue to participate in discussions here on TMC NEWS. Many of you have posted some pretty informative comments, some pretty funny ones and there have also been the moving comments from family members who have tragically lost loved ones. Those are the comments that we are looking forward to reading. Those of you who use the comment section to leave hateful, slanderous remarks are not welcome on TMC NEWS.
your first sentence was uncalled for and not needed.
Carl,
I personally find your comment offensive and unnecessary.
First of all, a bitch is a FEMALE DOG. I am a female human being and I can tell you: even we do not like to be called BITCHES. JASON is a MAN, sometimes THE MAN and I am sure his wife wouldn't like you to call him a BITCH either.
If you have a problem with Jason's commentaries: NO one forces you to read them nor did you have to read this weeks edition, you could have just skipped it. Yet not only did you take the time to actually read it, you decided to attempt to rip him up.
Well your opinion is your opinion and you are entitled to it.
Just please keep your comments appropriate.
Furthermore, since you are not paying a penny for TMC's service, you should be keeping mind that TMC is offering you the chance to offer your opinion for FREE. You should be thankful that your comment even made it to the comments section of TMC. DON'T waste that opportunity.
Jason, thanks for a wonderful commentary: keep it coming because your hitting some nerves, making some valid points and getting some good attention for it to! Patsy
Hey Carl, you need to check that attitude at the door along with any sharp objects or weapons. I myself would like Jason to change it up some but your comments go far beyond my sort of ranting about the issue.
I didn’t read Jason Sunday article I just heard about yours, you should back off and see the light of agreeing to disagree in our life time on earth, life is too short to sweat the small stuff.
Hey Jason, keep it going. You make my day. I love reading your comments and if I agree or disagree then that is my problem not yours. Anyway I love your comments and no one is asked to read them so keep up the good work.
Post a Comment
<< Home