SUNDAYS WITH JASON
Howdy partners! Sorry but it’s that time of the year when I get out my Gene Autry Christmas album and start talking with a southern drawl. Let’s see what’s up this week in the ol’ bonanza known as Lorain County.
So, the filth in the Jumbo Buffet caught fire, well you can’t expect the grease and grime to clean itself! This story okay, but I liked the picture of the little man (of Asian persuasion) showing a couple policemen the ancient art of pointing “karate-style.” Just look at the second picture, you’ll see what I mean. HI-YA! Anyway, I hope they’ll still be open, “7 day a week.”
Moving on; the story “PROCEED WITH CAUTION,” is a bit of a “DUH” for me. Let me get this straight; the most dangerous times to drive with are during morning and evening commutes? WHAT? You mean when all of us are driving to and from work, we are at more risk of getting into an accident? Who woulda thought?! Thanks for clarifying that! I guess we’ll have to start driving to work at noon and going home around nine, our bosses shouldn’t mind.
Congratulations to all the election winners (if you deserve it). I’m not to into talking politics, so all I will say is this; STUKA FOR MAYOR! A better breed in Elyria! Oh, and Vote Quimby! How ‘bout that?
A big Thank you to the Ohio State Highway Patrol, for passing along that “phone scam alert.” I received one of those calls myself; only thing is I actually enjoyed the fact that my phone stopped ringing! So I guess it’s a scam if you like taking every phone call. Not me, I might even send them my home phone calls so they can chat it up with the telemarketers! Thanks for the service, ya’ jerk!
On a more serious note, As far as the Petric boy being tried as an adult, well that was a no-brainer. He’s almost a “legal” adult anyway. Not to mention a crime like that deserves a steep punishment. Someone suggested the death penalty. I may not quite agree with that but, this boy is dangerous, that is obvious. I only hope he is haunted by the images of his actions. Again, a mother-killer is something I just can’t seem to understand, ever.
So, we’ll brighten things up with my HIGHLIGHT OF THE LOWLIGHTS!!! The 31st Street idiot! So here’s the question; you couldn’t wait a cotton-pickin second for the bus to drive by your house? What could be so urgent that you would pull in front of a BUS, (you know, the big thing with all the people in it, the one that is four times the size of your car). This moron passes and then cuts off a bus to get in their freakin’ driveway and OOPS, the bus busts into the back seat! Serves you right. What a douche! They’re lucky no one was hurt. I wish I was on that bus, I would’ve been screaming WHIPLASH! Wait, did I just say I wish I was on an LCT bus? (I just threw up in my mouth!) Okay, I never really would want to be on a bus, just an expression.
Finally, I loved the story about the pumpkin-throwing trebuchet. In fact; it gave me a great idea (Yeah, it happens every now and then). So, I will start constructing the largest trebuchet this side of the Mississippi. I’ll just use up my lumber from my “ark project” (you loyal readers will remember that one). So Jason, what’s this trebuchet for? Glad you asked. We’ll put it in Lorain right on top of the mayors building, empty out the jail, and launch people at that UGLY lighthouse (sorry Butchie). Just drown ‘em all. Then we can launch out the convicts from Elyria, even Grafton Correctional. And if they swim to shore, we’ll shoot them off again. It’s fun for all! Boy is I smart. If anyone knows what kind of permits I need, just give me a holler, but don’t call me (my calls are all being forwarded through my “scamming” pals.
Well, we’re off and away, full speed ahead for the holiday season! Oh, don’t forget… if you’re going to be buying your kids any toys, go out and get yourself a “home-lead-test-kit.” I don’t know if there is such a thing but, you’re gonna need them! Thank you China for the gifts these past few years (i.e.: the bird flu scare, s.a.r.s, child poisoning toys, General Tso and Jumbo Buffet fires!
Stay safe, be happy and don’t forget to buy snow shovels BEFORE you’re stuck in your driveway!
Jason
So, the filth in the Jumbo Buffet caught fire, well you can’t expect the grease and grime to clean itself! This story okay, but I liked the picture of the little man (of Asian persuasion) showing a couple policemen the ancient art of pointing “karate-style.” Just look at the second picture, you’ll see what I mean. HI-YA! Anyway, I hope they’ll still be open, “7 day a week.”
Moving on; the story “PROCEED WITH CAUTION,” is a bit of a “DUH” for me. Let me get this straight; the most dangerous times to drive with are during morning and evening commutes? WHAT? You mean when all of us are driving to and from work, we are at more risk of getting into an accident? Who woulda thought?! Thanks for clarifying that! I guess we’ll have to start driving to work at noon and going home around nine, our bosses shouldn’t mind.
Congratulations to all the election winners (if you deserve it). I’m not to into talking politics, so all I will say is this; STUKA FOR MAYOR! A better breed in Elyria! Oh, and Vote Quimby! How ‘bout that?
A big Thank you to the Ohio State Highway Patrol, for passing along that “phone scam alert.” I received one of those calls myself; only thing is I actually enjoyed the fact that my phone stopped ringing! So I guess it’s a scam if you like taking every phone call. Not me, I might even send them my home phone calls so they can chat it up with the telemarketers! Thanks for the service, ya’ jerk!
On a more serious note, As far as the Petric boy being tried as an adult, well that was a no-brainer. He’s almost a “legal” adult anyway. Not to mention a crime like that deserves a steep punishment. Someone suggested the death penalty. I may not quite agree with that but, this boy is dangerous, that is obvious. I only hope he is haunted by the images of his actions. Again, a mother-killer is something I just can’t seem to understand, ever.
So, we’ll brighten things up with my HIGHLIGHT OF THE LOWLIGHTS!!! The 31st Street idiot! So here’s the question; you couldn’t wait a cotton-pickin second for the bus to drive by your house? What could be so urgent that you would pull in front of a BUS, (you know, the big thing with all the people in it, the one that is four times the size of your car). This moron passes and then cuts off a bus to get in their freakin’ driveway and OOPS, the bus busts into the back seat! Serves you right. What a douche! They’re lucky no one was hurt. I wish I was on that bus, I would’ve been screaming WHIPLASH! Wait, did I just say I wish I was on an LCT bus? (I just threw up in my mouth!) Okay, I never really would want to be on a bus, just an expression.
Finally, I loved the story about the pumpkin-throwing trebuchet. In fact; it gave me a great idea (Yeah, it happens every now and then). So, I will start constructing the largest trebuchet this side of the Mississippi. I’ll just use up my lumber from my “ark project” (you loyal readers will remember that one). So Jason, what’s this trebuchet for? Glad you asked. We’ll put it in Lorain right on top of the mayors building, empty out the jail, and launch people at that UGLY lighthouse (sorry Butchie). Just drown ‘em all. Then we can launch out the convicts from Elyria, even Grafton Correctional. And if they swim to shore, we’ll shoot them off again. It’s fun for all! Boy is I smart. If anyone knows what kind of permits I need, just give me a holler, but don’t call me (my calls are all being forwarded through my “scamming” pals.
Well, we’re off and away, full speed ahead for the holiday season! Oh, don’t forget… if you’re going to be buying your kids any toys, go out and get yourself a “home-lead-test-kit.” I don’t know if there is such a thing but, you’re gonna need them! Thank you China for the gifts these past few years (i.e.: the bird flu scare, s.a.r.s, child poisoning toys, General Tso and Jumbo Buffet fires!
Stay safe, be happy and don’t forget to buy snow shovels BEFORE you’re stuck in your driveway!
Jason
posted by TMC NEWS at 11:26 AM
3 Comments:
Jason:
I have to applaud your weekly article, "Sundays with Jason." They are absolutely hysterical filled with the typical Jason cynicism. I never miss a Sunday morning after I grab my cup of coffee (hoping it doesn't hit the monitor during a fit of laughter). Your humor, Jason, is right up my alley. Keep up the good work so I can't stay off of anti-depressants. ;)
Well, time for the weekly rundown now that you've got a whole new batch of "wonders" to work with. First off, the fire gives a whole new meaning to "hot fried rice" with your food. How else do you expect the stove to get cleaned?
On the driving times, gee with more cars on the road during rush hour(s)and those cars often speeding to get to work or get home, what can we expect? It must have taken a real Einstein to figure out that study. Ah, our tax dollars at waste, what a wonderful feeling.
As to the latest teenage shooter, my feeling is that if you are "adult" enough to pull a gun and then even more "adult" enough to fire that gun, you definitely deserve to be tried as an adult. This isn't multiple choice where you get to choose which penalty is lesser and then tell the judge "try me that way." Sorry, you committed the crime, now do the time.
Lastly, you think the auto accidents are something now. Just wait. Tis the (holiday) season for drinking and driving. The only thing better than being behind the wheel is being behind the wheel after that 12 pack of your favorite suds. Makes the roads a whole lot more fun to navigate. So, get ready, because I am (unfortunately) sure that you will probably have a lot more material to work with during the next six or seven weeks. All we can hope for is that these idiots only hurt themselves and not anybody else.
Well, keep up the good work and have fun (it makes the job so much more enjoyable).
Jason, I was just wondering how Pastor Petric is doing and if his son has gone to court?
Post a Comment
<< Home