Sunday, September 23, 2007

"SUNDAYS WITH JASON"

Hello people. And hello Eaton Township, you’re at the end of my post. (I don’t know if you have electricity and running water out there.) This week was all about crashes, like last week was. I almost went out and stabbed someone, just for a change of scenery. But I refrained.

The Villanova stand-off was almost interesting but there was no need for heavy artillery (ho-hum). But I am a bit disheartened to hear about that area being such a slum anymore. 80 break-ins? I need to get to the bottom of that. It used to be a nice, safe area.

Also, this towing scam downtown Elyria is starting to come to light. Taking cash, no receipts, luring people out of their cars. It’s smart but, it’s wrong. If these guys are looking for work they should drive out to Eaton township. They’d be knee deep in wreckage. Next time I’m downtown (never) I’ll wrangle up a posse and rough ‘em up, old-school mobster style. You know, “We don’t want your kind ‘round here no more, boy.” That type of thing. But there may be a silver lining. Maybe they’re trying to save people from the Apple festival. In that case, you could tow me while I was in the car. That would be worth the 100 bucks.

I know TMC posted the “tasered boy” just for me. He got what he deserved. Don’t try to make this political, it was a Q&A. He never really asked anything he just blabbered and insulted and got himself electrified. HAHA! This is not the 70’s, people don’t jump up and down screaming as armed guards haul them to the paddy wagons. What a drama queen! I wish I could have been there. I would’ve thrown my shoe or something. You know, if you have a good opinion and want people to hear it, find another outlet. But this whole ordeal was totally started because this kid felt like seeing how far he could cram his agenda down someone’s throat before someone shut him up.

On a side note, a couple weeks ago I mentioned that Elyria might need some new students to take care of their new school. However, I don’t advocate the idea of running over it’s current students. So to the person driving the Mercury SUV, that’s not the kind of initiative I am looking for. I actually lived some of my child hood right there at 507 West Ave, directly across from the school, and though I am sure I was in the street a lot, I was never run over. But if I had been, at least it wouldn’t have been an SUV, maybe a Chevy Nova.

When I read the “The Dirty Part of the Job” story, I had a new found respect for firefighters. Some dumb lady calls the police to say she saw a 10 year old child jump into a storm sewer. It was probably an animal (or a child that only she could see) but either way, the Fire Dept had to go “dookie diving”. No child was found but, this is a true testament to a heart of servitude. Because had it been me in that muck, I would’ve hunted the lady down and cleaned my turd-laden boots with her face. Kudos to you guys.

My HIGHLIGHT OF THE LOWLIGHT: When I started reading all these stories about Eaton Township I realized; I don’t even know where or what this Eaton place is. But boy, are you on the map now! In just one week there has been a 5 bike crash, a single bike crash, a two car collision and a teen (who obviously doesn’t deserve a license) who managed to wreck into a truck, an SUV, a camper, a mailbox, almost 2 children and a partridge in a pear tree. Count it, that’s 12 vehicles! So, my question is; How many people will be at the Annual Chicken Bar-B-Q on October 7th ? Half the town has no vehicles left. I guess they’ll have to go back to riding their tractors like they do in Wellington. So, congratulations Eaton Township, you’ve made it! I’d appoint a Main Street director and a welcoming committee because you’re a destination now! Well, I still am not sure where exactly you are but, hey we all have to start somewhere.

So that’s it. I am really working here, but you gotta feed me a little more. Make life a bit more interesting. For example: The towing guy: someone should have shot at him or beat him with a tire iron. The sewer divers: maybe rabid raccoons or beavers ate the kid. Columbia Station house bonfire: I was really hoping that the guy would have accidentally burned down the whole town or a forest or something. Get what I mean?

Well, better luck next time. Christmas is 3 months away, smile.

Jason

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't consider kids stealing four dimes and nickle from unlocked vehicles "break ins". So I think that Mrs. Neri is off a bit. There have been a few breakins but most incidents have been thefts from unlocked vehicles.

Chris

1:32 PM  
Blogger South Elyria Block Watch said...

So thefts from unlocked vehicles is OK?

matt

12:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course not... but hardly makes the area a slum. Lock your vehicles people!! Or better yet... parent your children!! Know where they are at 4 a.m.!

Chris

8:27 PM  
Blogger Herold Jenkins said...

"Half the town has no vehicles left. I guess they’ll have to go back to riding their tractors like they do in Wellington."

I live in Wellington, and I do not have a tractor. Have you even been to Wellington? Why don't you come down here and we will show you what small town living is all about.

5:33 PM  

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